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Saturday, May 19, 2007

The Teen and The Conference

Today is the teen’s birthday. We celebrated it yesterday because I had been invited to a conference today. Sadly I did not take the camera with me. I am typing this on DH's laptop and I am not used to typing here. I am making lots of goofy mistakes. Luckily for you by the time you see this it will have been run thorough Word and a spell checker. Word is not on this computer, so I will email this to myself than put it in word on the other computer after that I will put it on Blogger. Clear as mud. Good I thought so.

The Teen was blessed by her family on her birthday. She got a PS2. She has been increasingly frustrated by the way her siblings take care of the game cube. This new PS2 is all hers. So today when I get home from the conference I ask to sit at the computer and she is there. She doesn't want to give up her seat there. That is why I am at the laptop, which is not really on my lap it is on a small dinner tray that you would use if you were having a meal in bed. As I was wrapping The Teen’s gifts yesterday I thought about what she would do with her PS2. Her very good friend 'Tall Guy' is her favorite person to play video games with. I called 'Tall Guy' and asked him to come over and surprise The Teen and play video games with her. He did. It was very sweet. Anyway she did not tell me what she wanted to eat for her birthday dinner so she got spaghetti and meat sauce. So and I made her a nice cake. We used the white cake recipe from Cooks Illustrated. The link to CI is over on the right. It is my favorite place to for and about recipe stuff. Ya know how as you type stuff in word it automatically fixes the word ‘the’. Up to this point in this program every time I have typed the word the I have spelled it wrong. Weird. The Teen also got a button maker as a gift.

So about the conference; about a week a go I received an invitation to it. I did not commit at that time. Thursday night I was talking to my friend and she reminded me about it and asked if I would come. I have been in a very dry place lately so I agreed to go. I am so glad I did. It was really a beautiful thing. It started with yummy treats, than prayer and worship. After that was a speaker on contemplative prayer. I have researched contemplative prayer before, so I was familiar with the concept. There have been times when I have heard things from God so clearly, today was one of those days. We were all sitting there and had been instructed to picture a large vessel in front of us that is full. This vessel is full of all our busyness, laziness, anger, resentment, fear, what ever is keeping us from praying and hearing from God. Than imagine you are reaching into this vessel and pulling out something that is keeping you from God. How about several things... Now ask God to fill that space you have made. What is he saying to you today? These times can be scary. It is a very vulnerable place to be. "OK, God what are you saying to me?" What do you want me to change in my life? I was thinking about lots of things I could change for God. I heard so clearly. Something I did not want to hear. I knew it was not my thoughts I was hearing. SIGH... "Get off of sugar” WHAT? Oh come on God, not that one. I mean I know I feel better when I don't eat sugar but I really like baking and I have so many recipes I want to try. What about the brownies. I really like brownies. When it was time to share I said "I feel like I want to act like a 2yo. I want to throw myself down on the floor and kick and scream. I want to throw a total fit." My dear friend MS said to me "you can do that Marla, God doesn't mind." Than the clincher "he will just treat you like you treat your own children when they throw a fit." AAAAKKKK!!!! That is very much not how I want to be treated. When my kids threw a fit I calmly and gently said "get over it" "You are not getting what ever it is you are acting like that about" If the fit continued they got some cold water dumped on them. Much later in the conference another speaker made this comment "ain't no fight like you and the Holy Ghost and you are not going to win." Again, sigh! Well, I guess sugar is gone. Just like that. I will quit cold turkey. Funny the last two days I have drank my coffee with out sugar just because I wanted too.

Other things from the conference were "you have a tomorrow!" For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

They saved the best for last. First there was a worship leader who had the most beautiful soothing/smokey voice. She talked and sang about how I have value. When we know our worth to God we open ourselves up to letting him do amazing things through us. I am the best God has created. I am because he created me to be me. I am the only one who can be me; therefore I am the best that has been created to be me. The keynote speaker was Lucreta Bowman. She is an amazing woman who chose to listen to God and let him work in her life. Her message about breaking free from our incarcerated minds was very powerful. She had been to prison 5 times. While in for the 5th time she heard God and choose to listen. She spoke about not living on the sidelines of our lives and examining if we are conditioned to remain in the position we have created for ourselves.

I'm so glad I went to this conference. I went up for prayer at the end. I told MS I seem to always choose the hard road. I am coming to a major cross road here and decisions need to be made. I will have to get a job to pay for the kids to go to school this year. Since I don't have one of those nifty pieces of paper that says I am worth more than $cheap per hour, I am feeling challenged. Part of the hardest thing is some of the people I encounter with those nifty pieces of paper who seem to be worthless at whatever job they are doing. A friend said I should apply for a receptionist position. At his company they start people as receptionists and if they show intelligence they are quickly promoted to another job. Part of the difficulty is that I am looking for a part time job. It is VERY important to the kids that I am home when they arrive home from school.

It was Lucreta who prayed with me. When she walked up to me I told her she was beautiful (she was). She told me how cool it was that I was an encourager. Who, me? She told me stuff about my being joyful, um, never mind the fact that I can't seem to function without Lexapro, and it was that joy that had gotten me through the tough times. Anyway she was really all over me about not letting go of the Joy. She said I had been through a hard time, um, YEA! Pause and you are still going through it. "Just when I thought it was safe to go back into the water." I mean I guess I was thinking we were about done with this hard time stuff. I've been thinking about going back to school much more seriously. Right now is season for me to pay for my kids to go to school. I was looking into this nursing school near me and actually its not that expensive + you can work off part of the tuition at the hospital.

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